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Last week, I coached a senior leader at a media company. She was recently promoted but felt stuck in her relationships with executives.

She described herself as "too transactional." She answers questions versus having discussions. She delivers great work. But she felt her executive stakeholders saw her as a resource, not a strategic partner.

This is a common challenge. Many of us build what I call a "professional wall." This is maintaining a polished persona that reveals nothing personal. This keeps us safe. It makes us look competent.

But this invisible barrier prevents us from building authentic connections. It prevents us from accelerating our careers.

The Emotion Wheel: Engineering Better Interactions

I introduced my client to a powerful tool called The Feelings Wheel. This visual framework helps identify your feelings. It also helps you identify the feelings you want to evoke in others.

 

The wheel starts with seven core emotions in the center. Happy, sad, surprised, angry, fearful, disgusted, bad. It then expands outward with more specific emotions. My client wanted her executive to feel "optimistic" and "peaceful" about their working relationship.

This clarity is transformative. When you understand the specific emotions you want to evoke, you can design interactions to create those feelings. It moves you from reactive to strategic in your relationships.

Try this exercise: Complete this statement.

"I want [EXECUTIVE'S NAME] to feel [EMOTION] about [TOPIC] in order to [ACTION]."

This simple framework forces you to clarify both your relationship goals and the emotional pathways to achieve them.

Conversational Threading: The Bridge to Authentic Connection

The challenge becomes especially delicate when gender dynamics are involved. I suggested inviting her male EVP to lunch. She was concerned with this approach. She didn't want to appear inappropriate, particularly as a single woman approaching a married man with children.

For cross-gender professional relationships, I recommend clear framing. "I've enjoyed working with you on our project. I'd love to get to know you better and build on our working relationship. Would you be free for coffee or lunch during work next week?"

Also, have these conversations in open spaces, never behind closed doors, and stick to daytime meetings in public settings.

But the deeper skill is what I call "conversational threading" - a simple three-step technique that transforms awkward small talk into meaningful connection:

1. Ask an open-ended question about their interests or experiences. "What do you enjoy doing outside of work?" "How did you spend your time off on vacation?"
2. Ask a follow-up question based on their response. If they mention traveling to Cabo, ask what brought them to Cabo. This shows you're listening, not waiting for your turn to speak.
3. Affirm what you've heard and share a brief personal perspective. "That sounds like a great trip. I actually went to the Bahamas around a similar time with my wife. We stayed in a resort not quite like you described -- it was a discount trip via Costco's travel perks." Keep your share brief (30 seconds) with a few specific details. Relate it to what they've said.

This give-and-take approach creates natural rapport without requiring you to overshare or feign interest in topics you don't care about.

 

The Courage to Be Seen

The fear underneath this is simple: what if I'm not interesting enough? What if I don't have anything valuable to share?

Everyone has stories. Everyone has perspectives. The challenge isn't becoming interesting – it's allowing yourself to be seen.

One executive I coached worried she had nothing to share until we discovered her passion for crime documentaries. This led to a fascinating conversation with her CEO about justice systems across cultures.

Another shared a story about her immigrant parents' influence on her work ethic. which got her executive to open up too.

The risk of remaining hidden is far greater than the risk of being seen.

For female professionals navigating relationships with male executives, the balance is delicate but achievable. Be intentional about settings and framing. Focus on professional development as your motivation. And remember that authentic doesn't mean inappropriate – it means bringing your real thoughts, insights and curiosity to your interactions.

If you're struggling to come up with stories, ​my Story Rolodex template​ will help. It's a template that helps you document your personal stories. It's easier to tell stories about yourself when you've thought about them in advance.

Because authentic relationships aren't a nice to have. They're the foundation of every meaningful career advancement.

Until next week,

Preston

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