Have you ever walked into a networking event or social gathering and felt out of your element?

You scan the room full of strangers, having no idea how to approach someone and start a conversation without feeling uncomfortable.

The awkward silence is practically paralytic.

But it doesn't have to be that way. I've networked for a living as the Head of Business Development at a B2B software company. And from experience, I know that how you start dictates how you perform throughout the rest of the interaction.

So I've boiled it down to 5 simple steps you can follow to ensure you know exactly how to break the ice when meeting someone new.

Step 1: The Approach --> Establish Eye Contact, Smile and Introduce Yourself

If I want to approach a group of people or an individual, my goal is to walk head on towards them, rather than surprising them from behind.

To do that, I like to establish brief eye contact and smile before I walk towards them.

Why? Your smile is the first impression you make, because as humans we are wired to detect facial expressions above anything else. So signal friendliness and openness, and people are more likely to reciprocate.

If they don't seem to acknowledge you even after the eye contact (e.g., no smile back, no head nod, no wave), don't sweat it. Continue to approach them while holding that smile.

If I'm entering midway through a conversation, I like to open with: "May I join you all?"

It's so easy to say "yes." I've never been turned away with this question.

Make sure to introduce yourself early in the conversation. It can be as simple as saying, "I'm Preston. Great to meet you. What's your name?"

When they say their name, repeat it back to them.

"Jerry, great to meet you."

Then, try to say their name at least 3 times within the first 5 minutes of the conversation.

People love to hear their names and are more likely to open up to you. And you're more likely to remember their name after the event.

One quick note: if forcing a smile feels unnatural, practice the Duchenne Smile at home. The Duchenne Smile is a natural smile where you're smiling with your eyes. You can practice this in private by putting a pen or pencil in between your teeth, creating a crease by the sides of your eyes.

It'll feel awkward but eventually this will be apart of your muscle memory.

Step 2: The Feel-Out --> Ask "How Are You?"

This simple, open-ended question is my favorite opener because it instantly invites the other person to engage.

They might just say "Good, and you?" Or they could share something more personal. The key is to follow your curiosity about what they say next.

My rule of thumb is your opener should be an open-ended question, rather than a closed question.

An open question helps you gauge whether the person is open and interested in chatting, or a bit reserved and may need a bit more coaxing from you to open up.

However, a closed question -- like "Where are you from?" -- typically makes it more difficult to build connection because it evokes a one-word response. It forces you to dig in your brain for follow-ups with very little information.

Step 3: The Spark --> Tell a Very Quick Story

Don't just pepper them with questions. That can feel like an interrogation.

Instead, set the tone by opening up about yourself first. I like to tell a brief story about myself (30-45 seconds max). Sprinkling in a few details gives them "conversational sparks" to naturally latch onto.

For example: "Well, I work in Global Sponsorships at the NBA, about 5 blocks from here. I was really excited to come tonight since I'm still pretty new to the city and am looking to meet folks in the sports industry."

If I need to be the first to open up about myself, I usually like to share where I'm from, what I do (if it's a professional networking event) and most importantly, what brought me to the event.

The last part is particularly important because it's often where you can find common ground. Everyone has a reason for coming to the event -- it's a unifying thread to pull on.

Remember, the more descriptive you are, the more the person can build on.

Step 4: The Pause --> Let Them Respond

After your story, pause and see if they pick up on any of the conversational sparks you laid out. If not, no problem! You can...

Step 5: The Progression --> Ask The Open-Ended Question

Questions like "What brought you here tonight?" allow the other person to expand and give me more conversational threads to pursue together. I follow their responses naturally, building momentum as I uncover mutual interests and experiences. A few other lines of questioning I like to use are:

• "Where do you live?" ... "What motivated you to live there?"
• "What do you do?" ... "How did you land that opportunity?"
• "Where do you work?" ... "What's been the best part about working for X company?"

I prefer to ask questions about the other person's beliefs, interests, and motivations rather than the surface-level facts. I find these conversations way more memorable and fun.

The key is not turning it into a rigid back-and-forth interrogation. If things stall out, I gave it my best shot.

Takeaways For This Week

Before your next networking event, remember these 3 things:

1. You're meant to do this. If you want to meet new people, you're meant to network. Don't let negative thoughts get in your way.
2. Walk up to someone as though they are just a child. If a toddler taps you on the leg and you turn around to see who it was, how would you introduce yourself to the toddler? You'd probably speak excitedly and give a big smile. Give that same energy when you approach someone new.
3. Lead with curiosity. Your goal should be to listen to the other person so hard that you sweat. If you're genuinely interested in learning something new about the other person, you'll ask a great question

I hope this helps.

By the way, it helps to be an eloquent speaker when telling stories at networking events. I teach my students this by having them apply the speaking frameworks when answering different questions. If you found this helpful, the Impromptu Speakers Academy is my 3-week bootcamp to help you become a clear and confident speaker at work. Reserve your spot today while they're still available.

See you next week.

Preston